Weird, Awkward and Misunderstood

Titled appropriately as great descriptions of myself from myself.

Oh, don’t try to tell me I’m not all of those things because I know I am. I have a rare personality which makes me appear to be all of those things to those who don’t know me, I used nice terms compared to what I’ve actually been called in my lifetime.

I am especially all of those things to those who have met me but neglected to take the time to get to know me because unfortunately most just don’t really want to. I make others uncomfortable with my personality. I don’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable, never my intention but I live a life of honesty and integrity and as shitty as it is, there aren’t very many people out there who live their truths or even want to live their truths. These are people who will always have a problem with me and will never take the time to get to know me, for some reason they assume I judge them because they don’t live with authenticity. They couldn’t be more wrong though.

I don’t know why I’m writing about myself like this. It could be because I’m feeling a little lost at the moment because I am so misunderstood. It could also be because I’ve spent too much of my life trying to find my tribe only to realize that I may not ever find them.

There have been times I thought I found a member of my tribe but they never stay long. I see too many things for anyone to stick around, I see things I can’t even tell others about because it’s down right scary. (Spend 5 minutes with me and then ask me to describe what I see when I look at you.)

I keep a lot to myself because it’s too hard to try to explain to someone just how much I can see, and no one really cares anyway if you want to be honest. Don’t get me wrong I do have friends, I do have a small handful of people who did spend the time to get to know me and I’m 90% sure I couldn’t get them to leave me if I tried.

I’m extremely good at finding the root cause of other people’s problems and extremely bad at finding the root of my own. I’m a walking contradiction that can change my personality to make the ones I’m with feel more at ease which causes most strangers to just spill their guts to me. I’ve heard more personal information from people I’ve just met than from most people I’ve known my whole life.

See what I did there? In the beginning of this I said I make others uncomfortable and in the last paragraph I said I can make complete strangers feel so comfortable they spill their guts to me.

I make people uncomfortable because if you spend too much time with me I’ll start holding you accountable for the things in your life that you complain about not being able to change. You know those things you’re perfectly aware of but refuse to change? The things that make you comfortable even though you know damn good and well if you dropped them your life would turn around.

I try to let others know that life is as hard as we make it. I’ve made mine pretty fucking hard. I do what I do and write what I write because life’s not exactly as hard as I’ve made mine. At least it doesn’t have to be that hard.

Be honest with yourself, so that you can be honest with others. Hold yourself accountable so that you’re setting an example for others to also hold themselves accountable. Be impeccable with your word so others know you can be trusted. Respect yourself enough to know when you’re being disrespected.

I’m not a professional, not even close. I’m just a girl who made a huge mess out of her life and is slowly but surely cleaning up her own mess. If you like what I write let me know. Even if you don’t like it let me know. Share it. Pin it. Comment. Like. Whatever. Rock on my pretties.

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