relationships – My Life, My Story

Posted by Just Bobbie on June 23, 2019 in awareness, life, love, relationship

Karma

As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday evening I have been reflecting on all the good I have going on in my life. My oldest child married his best friend last Friday, both of my other children are moving in with me (One is already here the other is coming within a week) and I haven’t had them close to me in ten years, I started a new job where I enjoy the work I do and my relationship has done nothing but get better and better each day. I can honestly say my life is pretty damn great.

I can’t even begin to explain all the good things that have happened to me this year, all things I have wanted for years and years some longer than others, some things I am still wanting but because I have gotten so many things I have asked the Universe for I have no doubts the rest will come.

I’ve been sitting here dissecting how I could have finally gotten all the things I’ve been working so hard for and all I can really think of is my thoughts are to blame. Somewhere a couple years ago I make a point to myself to purposely be aware of the thoughts I had, because once I became aware of my thoughts it was so much easier to control what came out of my mouth as far as being kinder and not so mean. I use the word mean because I can be pretty damn mean when I need to be but I try very diligently to be kind, always.

Thinking bad thoughts of others has gotten me nowhere anytime I ever had them. Being jealous and concerned what others are doing and achieving have gotten me no where in life and honestly has gotten no one anywhere in life. It really just does not pay in any way shape or form to be unkind to anyone regardless of the situation. I’m not saying I still don’t have those thoughts. Of course I still have jealousy issues and mistrust issues, in fact I’m sure I still have a lot of the issues I had before that caused me to go on this journey I am on.

I suppose I just handle my issues differently now, I am aware of them a lot more than I used to be because I’ve spent some time alone with my thoughts learning them and learning myself I guess is a good explanation. I’ve realized it really hasn’t paid off for me to be mean. It hasn’t paid to put others down, it hasn’t paid to complain about others in the world, it hasn’t paid to be the downer I used to be. Being negative will NEVER make for a POSITIVE life.

It took me so long to realize that, but to me there just is no limit on learning. It doesn’t matter how old I get I will always be able to learn because I want to. There is no age where it’s deemed too late to learn, or too late to change. There just isn’t. It’s all a matter of being open to change and being aware of our thoughts before things just come blurting out of our mouths.

My lesson on this Sunday is to just be kind. We all have shit, and we are all going through some kind of shit. None is worse than others. Life is not a competition, we all have our own shit that we are trying to deal with. Every single one of us have our own fears, our own insecurities and our own “things” that we are trying so hard to survive. It literally does not pay to be unkind in any way to any one. It does no good to put anyone down in any way shape or form no matter how much we dislike them. It all comes back to us. We must be the change we want to see in the world. If we think the world is unkind then be that one person that is kind to everyone.

Karma actually works both ways but sometimes we forget because the world is so negative.

Every Moment is a Test

I was playing around in my blog and realized I have 12 unfinished pieces of writings. Today I decided to finish one of them.

Recently I have been presented with things from my past that I want to get passed or in more accuracy I just want to go away and not have to deal with anymore. I suppose everyone has the past come up at some point in their lives, I am being presented with people who I have tried very hard to remove because of the battles they fight.

I have spent the last two years trying to change the way I think and heal what I think was an unhealthy relationship with myself. I say with myself because if we really think about it our outside world can and usually is a reflection of our inside world and if our outside relationships are not that great maybe it is time to look in that mirror and finally address our own issues.

My inside world for a very long time was anxiety ridden and full of fear because I spent so much time avoiding my relationship with myself I could barely function in any kind of relationship outside of myself. I went from job to job, relationship to relationship, friend to friend and so on, you get the picture right? I am sure most of you can relate.

Lately I keep having these little tests come up with me and I am really having a hard time deciphering them, so much I just want to hide from the world and just not deal with them at all. These tests that I am faced with are tests of my own strength and my own boundaries with other toxic individuals and the battles they are fighting with themselves.

We should all know that we are a reflection of the 5 people we are with the most, we should. I didn’t realize it until I started looking at myself and the things I just didn’t like about my thoughts and actions. Once I realized I didn’t like what was going on inside me I decided to look at just who I was around the most. Guess what I discovered about most of the individuals I was with the most? ALL PESSIMISTIC COMPLAINERS!!!!! Chronic complainers I believe is the actual word I read the other day on this subject.

Complaining is a toxic trait and will turn a very healthy mindset into an unhealthy mindset quite quickly without any realization of it happening. Luckily I have learned and grown so much that I welcome constructive criticism and I also will give it when asked, sometimes when not asked. I am working on not just throwing my learning out there as some just aren’t ready or just don’t want to.

The thing I have the hardest time with is voluntarily letting someone know that I can’t be around them anymore because they are toxic. I wondered why and then it dawned on me that we can’t really tell toxic individuals that they are toxic. I mean we can and some of us do but there’s always such a fine line with this and we just can’t tell if that person respects you enough to say thank you or fuck you when constructive criticism is given.

The things I write about and the things I post on Instagram are all meant to make us look at ourselves. I write about things that I know everyone relates to and I write about people I actually know including myself. Most of my thoughts and ideas come from things I have learned while out and about with the people I am with the most or people I just can’t be around anymore.

I never want to point fingers at anyone and make them think they are a pile of shit or bad individuals because I don’t think people really are bad or pieces of shit. I write about my own journey and the things I have learned about others while I am only focused on learning about myself with the hopes that someone will say “holy shit Bobbie I do that, I complain all the time, maybe that is why I “think” my life is so miserable.”

I only want to write so that others will take a look at just themselves. I never want to write and have you think things like “oh yeah so and so is so toxic they do need to take a look at themselves”. Yeah that is NOT what I mean by the things I write. I want you to say holy shit I do that and then research like mad how to not be like that. It’s very easy to blame others for our shortcomings but whose fault is it really?

I honest and truly believe the whole entire world can be such a beautiful place if we only focused on our own insides and not everyone else’s. I would really love nothing more than to just take those I know and write about all the things they do and say that make their lives “miserable” but I am not to that point yet and it really isn’t my job to point out others flaws even if that is what they do to the people around them. All I can do is keep looking in my own mirror and keep myself on the love and kindness train.

My job is not to treat people tit for tat, my job is to love and only love. I’m not a professional at all I am just a girl who is finally realizing that I control my world and it wasn’t as hard as I thought regardless of what “they” say. If you like what I write about please share it, follow, comment, you know all that good stuff that everyone loves! Rock On My Pretties!