I’ve learned a lot on this journey through my health, it’s been a true learning experience. I always felt like I knew a lot but I’m figuring out we rarely know as much as we think we do and the best way to continue learning is to stay curious and grateful.
I was always a questioner, I questioned everything even if I didn’t do it out loud. I may not have ever gotten an answer but I definitely questioned things. Subconsciously I think I realized none of us know anything and some have to make up answers just to have an answer.
Something has been happening within me since all this has happened with my health. There is a calming feeling finally and I noticed I’m not as worried as I used to be. There’s a certain sense of comfort inside me where there used to be anxiety and fear.
The day my doctor told me she feared I had cancer and how important it was I find out was one of the scariest days of my life and the day something inside me woke up. It was the day I decided I had complete control over myself and I didn’t have to do what I was told to do. The day I went to the mammogram/ultrasound confirmed all the fears I had about the medical industry and I realized we were all in trouble. I can reflect on that day as a witness to what others have gone through and how easily it is to put the fear of death into someone to get them to comply.
The original doctor I went and saw who referred me to the breast place stood up for me and wrote the facility a letter, was invited over to meet and take a tour and speak with them about the treatment I was given and was apologized to with the reasoning of having a bad day. Great for them for meeting with my doctor, touring them around and then excusing the way I was treated by “having a bad day”. Did I receive an apology? I haven’t received shit from them except for trauma, which only shows me what I already knew. They do not care about us, it’s all about money. Suck up to the doctors who send the patients to them and forget about the one patient who had a traumatic experience at the facility so the doctor will keep sending them.
The world is really weird right now, people are living in the fear of the unknown and we really need to focus on ourselves and what we as individuals are doing to contribute to the future of humanity. It’s one thing to sit and condemn others for what they are doing and we really need to turn to ourselves and pay attention to what we ourselves are doing.
I used to talk to my dad about awareness and mindfulness and he’d always go to his belief that they are the same. If he were alive now I’d let him know the difference in the two is that awareness is knowing what you know and being mindful is knowing when to use what you know. It’d be easy with him as he knew he was an asshole but was rarely mindful of when he was being an asshole.
That doctor knew she was having a bad day and continued to be in a bad mood as she spoke with me about my results and didn’t care enough about what she was doing to me to make sure she wasn’t traumatizing me. Still after the fact she realized what she’d done and didn’t make it better for me, the patient.
Turning down all the treatments they told me I had to have was the best thing I could have ever done. It helped me remember this is my life and we have a creator who made these beautiful souls in us. Just like horses, we were created to live and will if we give our bodies what they need, nutrition, movement, sunlight and love.
Today was just a thought writing day, reflecting on my health and things I see in the world. I’m so grateful for what I have, the support of my small circle, a business that I built, a man who loves me beyond measure and a life I no longer want to escape that we built together. There are so many things to be grateful for.
More Ozone therapy on Tuesday, looking forward to getting rid of the mold toxicity inside me and allowing my body to heal from a lifetime of suffering.
Until next time.
My Life, My Story 
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