Karma

Karma

As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday evening I have been reflecting on all the good I have going on in my life. My oldest child married his best friend last Friday, both of my other children are moving in with me (One is already here the other is coming within a week) and I haven’t had them close to me in ten years, I started a new job where I enjoy the work I do and my relationship has done nothing but get better and better each day. I can honestly say my life is pretty damn great.

I can’t even begin to explain all the good things that have happened to me this year, all things I have wanted for years and years some longer than others, some things I am still wanting but because I have gotten so many things I have asked the Universe for I have no doubts the rest will come.

I’ve been sitting here dissecting how I could have finally gotten all the things I’ve been working so hard for and all I can really think of is my thoughts are to blame. Somewhere a couple years ago I make a point to myself to purposely be aware of the thoughts I had, because once I became aware of my thoughts it was so much easier to control what came out of my mouth as far as being kinder and not so mean. I use the word mean because I can be pretty damn mean when I need to be but I try very diligently to be kind, always.

Thinking bad thoughts of others has gotten me nowhere anytime I ever had them. Being jealous and concerned what others are doing and achieving have gotten me no where in life and honestly has gotten no one anywhere in life. It really just does not pay in any way shape or form to be unkind to anyone regardless of the situation. I’m not saying I still don’t have those thoughts. Of course I still have jealousy issues and mistrust issues, in fact I’m sure I still have a lot of the issues I had before that caused me to go on this journey I am on.

I suppose I just handle my issues differently now, I am aware of them a lot more than I used to be because I’ve spent some time alone with my thoughts learning them and learning myself I guess is a good explanation. I’ve realized it really hasn’t paid off for me to be mean. It hasn’t paid to put others down, it hasn’t paid to complain about others in the world, it hasn’t paid to be the downer I used to be. Being negative will NEVER make for a POSITIVE life.

It took me so long to realize that, but to me there just is no limit on learning. It doesn’t matter how old I get I will always be able to learn because I want to. There is no age where it’s deemed too late to learn, or too late to change. There just isn’t. It’s all a matter of being open to change and being aware of our thoughts before things just come blurting out of our mouths.

My lesson on this Sunday is to just be kind. We all have shit, and we are all going through some kind of shit. None is worse than others. Life is not a competition, we all have our own shit that we are trying to deal with. Every single one of us have our own fears, our own insecurities and our own “things” that we are trying so hard to survive. It literally does not pay to be unkind in any way to any one. It does no good to put anyone down in any way shape or form no matter how much we dislike them. It all comes back to us. We must be the change we want to see in the world. If we think the world is unkind then be that one person that is kind to everyone.

Karma actually works both ways but sometimes we forget because the world is so negative.

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Resurrecting

Resurrecting

I was skimming through my older posts earlier and noticed this one that I re-posted about Facebook and I think I am ready to write about ditching my Facebook account now and what eliminating it did for my mental health.

If you’d like to read my original post along with my small update from a couple of months ago here is the link for reading the preface to this post. The Facebook Killings talks of my struggles with Facebook and social media in general and how it affected my mental health.

Back to what this post is about though, what has happened to my head since I actually fired myself from Facebook on January 2nd, 2018…….

How did leaving Facebook affect me? Well so far it’s taken me almost a week to write this little update, I opened my draft this morning and deleted all of it except for the beginning. Why did I do that? Well because I have a hard time writing now due to the fact that I have learned what it means to actually think positively and optimistically and think open-minded. Being off Facebook has helped me see patterns of negative thinking in myself that I have always had even though I didn’t realize it at the time and now I can see how so many of us out there are just programmed into negativity and don’t even know!

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I have learned that the less time I spend on social media the more time I have to be happy and enjoy the extremely small group of company I keep. I have had time to take tests and read books just to learn about myself, INFJ personality, whoa, that is a huge deal. (Want to take your own test? click here )

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I have learned that I am quite sociable but I am also an energy sponge when it comes to those around me and I can tell in a matter of minutes if I need to participate or bail on whatever social event I may be attending due to the energy surrounding me. I’ve learned so much about the INFJ personality in the months that I’ve left Facebook that my entire life almost makes sense. Almost! I’m not kidding. All the things that have happened to me, all the misery and all the depression and anxiety I had my entire life now has meaning to me and I can actually let it go and just not worry about it anymore… ha ha ha ha, let it go, right, INFJs don’t really forget things especially feelings and I have never been able to and now I know why.

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I have learned that leaving Facebook I was contacted less from friends . Does this hurt my feelings? Of course it does but only because I was already used to being forgotten, I truly only have a handful of friends who keep in contact with me and have for at least 7 years, the others, they come and go as they need me. I was never the popular girl in school, I was never picked first for groups or games, not picked last but close, even the jobs I’ve had in my life were ones I was the second choice for when the first one hired didn’t work out. It doesn’t really bother me as much as it used to, it’s part of my personality. I know I am a light for those lost in the darkness and some are actually blind to the light, I am seen when I am needed. I don’t need social media to be helpful in the world.

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I spent the majority of my life trying to fit into a world that I wasn’t made for. Facebook helped me see what the rest of the world was doing so I could use it as a tool for how to be and how to act and what things to buy and basically how to live by listening to millions of people shout out how to be and life rules that are only written on the interwebs in comments. Facebook was very good at making me feel left out when people who I thought were friends and even family posted things and included/invited those they wanted and weirdly enough I was left out feeling forgotten once I saw the photos posted. Once I left Facebook I didn’t have to “SEE” the things I wasn’t being invited to, hell I don’t even know they exist anymore until I run into someone and they tell me about the event I missed. Yep feelings still hurt but not even remotely close to what having Facebook did! Now I just say to myself, “don’t forget you left Facebook, no one knows how to contact you anymore” and then I roll my eyes and laugh at the feeling of freedom that I get from not having Facebook.

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Taking the first step to leave Facebook was pretty hard for me to do, I wanted to fit in and somehow I felt I fit in there even though I realize the anguish it caused me only after I left. I have found my relationship that was the cause for this journey has not only completely turned around, it’s better than I could ever imagine along with the relationships of the few people close to me. A big majority of my “friends” stopped speaking to me when I left Facebook and I don’t really know why, I didn’t announce my departure and apparently that was the only way to get a hold of me so they can’t ask. (again eyes rolling and laughing)

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Now that I have not opened my Facebook account in 240 days, yes my account is still there patiently waiting for my return unless it vanishes after a certain period of time I don’t know, I have no desire to open it up again. I have all I need without it, I feel I have even more than I ever did and although it’s taken a while to figure out and remove the things that disrupt my vibration I have a very good understanding of myself and I know that Facebook is not good for this INFJ, in fact social media isn’t really good for this INFJ but I do try to post my thoughts and brief glimpses of my thoughts to try to help those struggling to find themselves.

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This feeling I have for life now is one that I compare to no one else’s, I am able to sit and reflect on all the things that I have done each day at the end of the day instead of worrying that I need to post or check on my friends or even enemies, (eyes rolling). I use my alone time to improve on myself and only myself instead of scrolling. I laugh more, I care more and care less at the same time, I enjoy the present more, I worry less, I appreciate more and I have no regrets.

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It’s been said that small changes daily can add up to huge changes later. I believe this. I made a list of the things I wanted to change and started small and now almost two years later I have made more changes to myself than I ever thought I would or even was capable of and it started with taking accountability of myself and taking that first small step. The rewards? Priceless.

 

 

Nothing Better Than This

Nothing Better Than This

 

 

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I’ve been absent and I am so sorry! I’m not really sorry but I am really sorry. I’ve spent the last couple months learning about my personality after taking some personality tests. Myers-Briggs Types I am an INFJ and I’ve been obsessed with learning all about them and I have yet to find any kind of description, story, traits, quotes, whatever we want to call them that are not something about me. It’s like I found a book all about me and my struggles and it’s been the best feeling in the world! I’ve learned the INFJ personality is one of the rarest of the personalities and is probably the reason I have felt so very misunderstood my entire life. INFJs are so rare that most have never met one!

All those times someone let me know I was weird……Hell yes I am weird! I am like no one you’ve ever met, probably! And 2 years ago when I also thought I was weird it made me sad, terribly sad, because I was so different, I just couldn’t fit in anywhere and it broke me, it crushed me when people would tell me I am weird. I didn’t want to be weird, I wanted to be liked. I kept hearing the word weird and making the word a negative word. It’s NOT a negative word! I now embrace the word! My favorite word is actually Unique. I’ve had someone call me that for the last decade and yes it hurt my feelers for most of it as well until I discovered I really am unique! It’s such a good thing to me now! I do NOT want to follow the crowds and keep up with the Jones’s, I want to be me and do it proudly and I do just that!!

My reaction now when others point out my uniqueness? Damn right I am different, and I’ll never be forgotten either because of it!

I have a hard time writing because I find myself just complaining about the world while I desperately try to save it. I know I can’t save the world but dammit I am going to keep trying! If I can save myself I can save someone else. And if all I needed to do was mind my own business and realize that the only one I get to leave this world with is me and I better get along with me the best way I can then I am happy to spread that along to the rest of the world.

But then again, I now realize that I am different from others, I have the most misunderstood personality in the world and I’ve been writing in this blog trying to help others find themselves and I have been expecting others to understand the things I write about and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

I will continue my quest to find others like me in hopes that we can unite and help save the world from all this madness and chaos of negative emotions and toxicity, all from our rooms though because INFJs are introverts… HA HA HA HA! I could spend the rest of my life in my room only to go out once in a while for a concert or 6. An introvert who loves concerts, where there are tons of people? Such a contradiction I am. I can explain that thought another time.

My friends, be prepared for me to ask you to take personality tests so that I can understand you better. And if you want to know me better, then pay attention to what I write about!

Rock On!!!!