Resurrecting

I was skimming through my older posts earlier and noticed this one that I re-posted about Facebook and I think I am ready to write about ditching my Facebook account now and what eliminating it did for my mental health.

If you’d like to read my original post along with my small update from a couple of months ago here is the link for reading the preface to this post. The Facebook Killings talks of my struggles with Facebook and social media in general and how it affected my mental health.

Back to what this post is about though, what has happened to my head since I actually fired myself from Facebook on January 2nd, 2018…….

How did leaving Facebook affect me? Well so far it’s taken me almost a week to write this little update, I opened my draft this morning and deleted all of it except for the beginning. Why did I do that? Well because I have a hard time writing now due to the fact that I have learned what it means to actually think positively and optimistically and think open-minded. Being off Facebook has helped me see patterns of negative thinking in myself that I have always had even though I didn’t realize it at the time and now I can see how so many of us out there are just programmed into negativity and don’t even know!

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I have learned that the less time I spend on social media the more time I have to be happy and enjoy the extremely small group of company I keep. I have had time to take tests and read books just to learn about myself, INFJ personality, whoa, that is a huge deal. (Want to take your own test? click here )

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I have learned that I am quite sociable but I am also an energy sponge when it comes to those around me and I can tell in a matter of minutes if I need to participate or bail on whatever social event I may be attending due to the energy surrounding me. I’ve learned so much about the INFJ personality in the months that I’ve left Facebook that my entire life almost makes sense. Almost! I’m not kidding. All the things that have happened to me, all the misery and all the depression and anxiety I had my entire life now has meaning to me and I can actually let it go and just not worry about it anymore… ha ha ha ha, let it go, right, INFJs don’t really forget things especially feelings and I have never been able to and now I know why.

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I have learned that leaving Facebook I was contacted less from friends . Does this hurt my feelings? Of course it does but only because I was already used to being forgotten, I truly only have a handful of friends who keep in contact with me and have for at least 7 years, the others, they come and go as they need me. I was never the popular girl in school, I was never picked first for groups or games, not picked last but close, even the jobs I’ve had in my life were ones I was the second choice for when the first one hired didn’t work out. It doesn’t really bother me as much as it used to, it’s part of my personality. I know I am a light for those lost in the darkness and some are actually blind to the light, I am seen when I am needed. I don’t need social media to be helpful in the world.

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I spent the majority of my life trying to fit into a world that I wasn’t made for. Facebook helped me see what the rest of the world was doing so I could use it as a tool for how to be and how to act and what things to buy and basically how to live by listening to millions of people shout out how to be and life rules that are only written on the interwebs in comments. Facebook was very good at making me feel left out when people who I thought were friends and even family posted things and included/invited those they wanted and weirdly enough I was left out feeling forgotten once I saw the photos posted. Once I left Facebook I didn’t have to “SEE” the things I wasn’t being invited to, hell I don’t even know they exist anymore until I run into someone and they tell me about the event I missed. Yep feelings still hurt but not even remotely close to what having Facebook did! Now I just say to myself, “don’t forget you left Facebook, no one knows how to contact you anymore” and then I roll my eyes and laugh at the feeling of freedom that I get from not having Facebook.

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Taking the first step to leave Facebook was pretty hard for me to do, I wanted to fit in and somehow I felt I fit in there even though I realize the anguish it caused me only after I left. I have found my relationship that was the cause for this journey has not only completely turned around, it’s better than I could ever imagine along with the relationships of the few people close to me. A big majority of my “friends” stopped speaking to me when I left Facebook and I don’t really know why, I didn’t announce my departure and apparently that was the only way to get a hold of me so they can’t ask. (again eyes rolling and laughing)

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Now that I have not opened my Facebook account in 240 days, yes my account is still there patiently waiting for my return unless it vanishes after a certain period of time I don’t know, I have no desire to open it up again. I have all I need without it, I feel I have even more than I ever did and although it’s taken a while to figure out and remove the things that disrupt my vibration I have a very good understanding of myself and I know that Facebook is not good for this INFJ, in fact social media isn’t really good for this INFJ but I do try to post my thoughts and brief glimpses of my thoughts to try to help those struggling to find themselves.

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This feeling I have for life now is one that I compare to no one else’s, I am able to sit and reflect on all the things that I have done each day at the end of the day instead of worrying that I need to post or check on my friends or even enemies, (eyes rolling). I use my alone time to improve on myself and only myself instead of scrolling. I laugh more, I care more and care less at the same time, I enjoy the present more, I worry less, I appreciate more and I have no regrets.

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It’s been said that small changes daily can add up to huge changes later. I believe this. I made a list of the things I wanted to change and started small and now almost two years later I have made more changes to myself than I ever thought I would or even was capable of and it started with taking accountability of myself and taking that first small step. The rewards? Priceless.

 

 

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