Memories

I have few memories of my parents marriage, my brother and I were young when our dad left, I was 4 he was 6. I have one cherished memory that I use to hold on to the belief that my dad was once an amazing father and loved his family, it’s actually one of my earliest memories. My parents were still married and my dad and I were in the bathroom and he was curling my hair and accidentally burned my head with the curling iron and I can still see him in the mirror frantically upset that I was crying and hugging me and telling me how sorry he was and doting over me to make sure I was okay. I don’t have any memories like that with my mom, I have no memories of her actually caring about us like I have of my dad that one time.

My memories of childhood mostly consist of me and my animals, there aren’t many people in my memories. Playing in my bedroom with my toys, reading books or out riding my horse. After my dad left I gained a new dad and we moved to another state, we were there for three years. I think I saw my dad once during that time and spoke to him on the phone a few times. It was the first time I remember seeing my mom do something to my brother. He actually called our dad and asked to move in with him, I didn’t know that until a few years ago, I had only remembered my brother was there with me, my mom hurt him and he left.

Writing about my childhood and trying to heal from a narcissistic parent is a tough task but I notice as I take the information I have now and go back to the memories I do have I can see I intuitively knew something wasn’t right even as a child.