It’s been a while since I’ve written, it’s been hard to be motivated to do so. My health keeps getting better and better and since I chose to decline all testing for cancer it’s hard to convince people that I am fighting something unless I let them feel my tumor which shouldn’t be in the equation.
I just started the 3rd stage of the mold detox and it’s a lot rougher than the second. Taking the pills twice a day made me really loopy so I only take one at night. I have this weird dry cough that tastes funny, the stuff that I blow out my nose is unbelievable. The nasal spray I’m using is strong stuff, combined with the new stuff it’s really getting that stuff out of my body. It’s insane that mold can cause so much damage yet it’s talked about so little.
Today was a rough day, I feel alone, I have no family that checks on me. I have 2 of my boys who would answer the phone if I called but I haven’t, they are living their life. My poor husband is dealing with his daughter so I don’t want to burden him with my loneliness.
It always seems to me when someone is battling something but like this there is always a large circle of support around them and when I need support or a hug or just for someone to say they have me (and mean it) there’s no one there. I would give anything to have a mom who cared about me, she’s not dead, I’m just not important to her anymore. Me being shunned from the family helps her sob story so I’ll probably never make it back in.
My uncle and I have talked a few times, it sounds like he’s sick now and I may never get a chance at a relationship.
I have all these this to do with my dad’s estate and I don’t even know where to start. I’m waiting for some documents to come in the mail so I can get started.
In all actually, today, truthfully, I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m over life today. I miss my brother. I want a family that loves me unconditionally. I want to be healthy. I want to stop struggling. Everything is a struggle in my life. I was set up to fail and I want to be done.
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