Taking a leap

I woke up this morning with some pretty swollen eyes. I know I cried yesterday. I didn’t think I did for long though. The way my eyes looked I’m pretty sure I cried while I was sleeping. It wasn’t the first time I’ve done that. (There is some pain behind those eyes) 

My boss asked me if I was okay when she came in. Since I’m taking this big leap of honesty and trying to heal myself I told her no. I told her I had a rough night. I told her I saw an eating disorder therapist the day before and it was a little rough. I didn’t tell her a lot but I told her I was struggling. She asked me if there was anything she could do and I said just support. I need support. We talked for about a half hour. She told me she would absolutely Support me. Then my coworker and I went for our morning smoke break and she had overheard part of it and asked if I was okay and if she could help. I told her I was working on me and eating and getting better. She offered me some animal therapy with her herd of goats. I told her I would be taking her up on that.

I also decided to share my blog with some people I’ve joined in a very small depression group and that was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, using a description of the feedback I got from the group. (So vulnerable that I actually put  part of a picture of me in my blog!) The remarks and comments I got from them had me in tears. Not sad tears. Tears that were such a relief to let out. Tears that I’ve been holding on to for so long. Tears from my story that I so desperately want to tell in hopes of helping just one person. Tears because maybe I didn’t break that promise I made to my brother the night he died.

I also read an article tonight about exercise and depression and the effects with meds and exercise or both or just one. I was quite surprised about just the exercise. It gave me a little hope that I need to get off my ass and get out and do something. And tomorrow I will do just that! It’s late tonight and it’s past my bedtime.

Look at that, two posts in a row and I sound like a different person. 🙂😘