I crashed this last week, it was quietly sneaking up on me and when it caught up, I fell. Hard. For those new to my site, I created this space so I could share my thoughts and feelings about losing my brother to suicide and how it’s affected me, and to share the things that... Continue Reading →
I have few memories of my parents marriage, my brother and I were young when our dad left, I was 4 he was 6. I have one cherished memory that I use to hold on to the belief that my dad was once an amazing father and loved his family, it’s actually one of my... Continue Reading →
Looking back through my life and trying to figure out how and where to start my story has been really difficult for me to do. It would be easy to write out that my dad abandoned my brother and I and my mom completely ignored us unless there was an audience but that doesn’t go... Continue Reading →
Gosh, it’s sure been a while since I’ve written. It’s like the further I go into healing from my childhood the less I write about it. I end up frozen and defeated and feeling less than alive, and quite often wonder if my brother made the better decision by ending his suffering. Knowing what I... Continue Reading →
Happy Saturday! How is everyone feeling? This little meme made me giggle due to how much truth is in it. Not sure how many know my story on why I decided to join the horse community and the major things I’ve learned about myself since fully immersing in it. My employment history consists of an... Continue Reading →
My brother took his life in 2009, he had finally had enough of the noise running through his head. He’d spent his whole life protecting me from the pain he’d endured without knowing I suffered as well. Since his passing I’ve learned the truth about the trauma he endured. I was traumatized too but because... Continue Reading →
Today is September 17, 2023. Today would have been my parents 52nd wedding anniversary had they stayed married. I was unaware about the date of their marriage as they divorced when I was 4 but was informed about it in 1994, by my dad when I picked my wedding date for my first marriage which... Continue Reading →
As an adult child of toxic parents, the best advice I could give another person would be to look at others as they are, not how you wish they would be. As children we tend to put our parents on pedestals and dismiss every toxic behavior they have, because we are taught at an early... Continue Reading →
I had a nightmare a few nights ago. I have them once in a while, or I should say, I have the same one over and over. It’s the same bad dream I’ve had since I was a child, someone is trying to get me and I’m scared stiff and unable to scream for help,... Continue Reading →
I’ve been missing my brother lately, missing him in different ways than I used to. He was my protector from the moment I came home from the hospital. My parents used to always remind me how important I was to my brother. They would say he acted like I was a huge gift brought for... Continue Reading →
My Life, My Story 