Author: It’s just me

My only sibling, my older brother took his life September 28, 2009 at the age of 37. I never thought I'd survive his death. I was suicidal myself and tired of living a life where I felt misunderstood, unheard and most of all unworthy, I thought he was strong and solid and would always be there for me. Little did I know we were both suffering together but in silence. I decided after his death I would not be silent any more and vowed to make something out of his life and his suffering and to show others that life isn't as bad as it seems and that it's possible to survive in this toxic world we live in. I made it my mission to survive and to show others that we can heal our traumas through hard work and reprogramming our minds. This is my journey.

They started it

Looking back through my life and trying to figure out how and where to start my story has been really difficult for me to do. It would be easy to write out that my dad abandoned my brother and I and my mom completely ignored us unless there was an audience but that doesn’t go... Continue Reading →

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Collateral Damage

Gosh, it’s sure been a while since I’ve written. It’s like the further I go into healing from my childhood the less I write about it. I end up frozen and defeated and feeling less than alive, and quite often wonder if my brother made the better decision by ending his suffering. Knowing what I... Continue Reading →

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Horses as our teachers

Happy Saturday! How is everyone feeling? This little meme made me giggle due to how much truth is in it. Not sure how many know my story on why I decided to join the horse community and the major things I’ve learned about myself since fully immersing in it. My employment history consists of an... Continue Reading →

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The Basics

My brother took his life in 2009, he had finally had enough of the noise running through his head. He’d spent his whole life protecting me from the pain he’d endured without knowing I suffered as well. Since his passing I’ve learned the truth about the trauma he endured. I was traumatized too but because... Continue Reading →

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Letters to my brother 1

My Dearest Brother, It’s been so long since we’ve had one of our talks I decided to continue them the only way I know how and that’s through writing. Remember when we were kids and you made such great efforts to shield me from the bad things in life? I never understood the true meaning... Continue Reading →

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